WILL COUPLE LOVE NEWBIES MORE? Janet Kira Lessin worldpolyamory@aol.com
MIDWESTERNER wrote, “What would happen if my wife opened herself up emotionally or if
we agreed to allow each other to be more emotionally attached. Would
I later desire the other woman more or she desire the other man
more or some other conflicting combination of feelings?
JANET: My husband, Sasha, and I were blessed to fall in love with a very special
couple. Our commitment to each other was so total and complete, and the other
couple was so devoted to each other, there was never any doubt that we'd
remain involved with our primary partners while loving all the way around.
There did come a point where my love for the other woman felt threatening to
the other man, so they withdrew from us and are no longer involved with us.
And yes, ouch, that hurt. But, I'd do it all again, because the love I
felt and the love we all felt will always be. I have the love, I have the memories and
I have the model that LOVING MORE THAN ONE REALLY WORKS.
Many couples do move into deep sexual and emotional intimacy and some
experience feelings in varying degrees and intensity over the course of the
relationship with their new partners. It's part of the thrill, part of learning how
to love. We feel what we feel. Feelings ARE. They are often uncontrollable
and seem to have a life of their own. Some couples, especially couples that
engage in swinging, pledge emotional fidelity with one another. But
realistically we feel what we feel. We can however make agreements and honor them and
do certain behaviors, like REMAIN HONEST IN OUR COMMUNICATION, STAY TOGETHER; NEVER ABANDON ONE ANOTHER, no matter what we feel for other partners.
Couples make commitments to stay together no matter what, work out the
dynamics of relating with others and RIDE THE WAVE OF EMOTIONS. There may be
some risk, but it sounds as if you are both very much in love with one another,
committed and devoted, secure enough that you'll remain true and you'll
LEARN, GROW, EXPAND AND REMAIN TOGETHER no matter what.
Janet Kira Lessin, Chief Focalizer for the World Polyamory
Association, is featured speaker at the Annual Harbin Hot Springs
Polyamory Conference, "Celebrate Relationship Choice, May 2-14, 2006
Harbin Hot Springs, CA. See www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com
ps: A couple of “flamers,” Sina and Ali by name, compulsively attack anything I write in the respond section of Tribe.net. They obviously need our compassion; nonetheless, please react to my manifest content and don’t let their obsessions deter you from gaining what you may by reading my ideas. Attacking a person rather than dealing with her ideas is a logical fallacy, known as the ad hominim fallacy.
MIDWESTERNER wrote, “What would happen if my wife opened herself up emotionally or if
we agreed to allow each other to be more emotionally attached. Would
I later desire the other woman more or she desire the other man
more or some other conflicting combination of feelings?
JANET: My husband, Sasha, and I were blessed to fall in love with a very special
couple. Our commitment to each other was so total and complete, and the other
couple was so devoted to each other, there was never any doubt that we'd
remain involved with our primary partners while loving all the way around.
There did come a point where my love for the other woman felt threatening to
the other man, so they withdrew from us and are no longer involved with us.
And yes, ouch, that hurt. But, I'd do it all again, because the love I
felt and the love we all felt will always be. I have the love, I have the memories and
I have the model that LOVING MORE THAN ONE REALLY WORKS.
Many couples do move into deep sexual and emotional intimacy and some
experience feelings in varying degrees and intensity over the course of the
relationship with their new partners. It's part of the thrill, part of learning how
to love. We feel what we feel. Feelings ARE. They are often uncontrollable
and seem to have a life of their own. Some couples, especially couples that
engage in swinging, pledge emotional fidelity with one another. But
realistically we feel what we feel. We can however make agreements and honor them and
do certain behaviors, like REMAIN HONEST IN OUR COMMUNICATION, STAY TOGETHER; NEVER ABANDON ONE ANOTHER, no matter what we feel for other partners.
Couples make commitments to stay together no matter what, work out the
dynamics of relating with others and RIDE THE WAVE OF EMOTIONS. There may be
some risk, but it sounds as if you are both very much in love with one another,
committed and devoted, secure enough that you'll remain true and you'll
LEARN, GROW, EXPAND AND REMAIN TOGETHER no matter what.
Janet Kira Lessin, Chief Focalizer for the World Polyamory
Association, is featured speaker at the Annual Harbin Hot Springs
Polyamory Conference, "Celebrate Relationship Choice, May 2-14, 2006
Harbin Hot Springs, CA. See www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com
ps: A couple of “flamers,” Sina and Ali by name, compulsively attack anything I write in the respond section of Tribe.net. They obviously need our compassion; nonetheless, please react to my manifest content and don’t let their obsessions deter you from gaining what you may by reading my ideas. Attacking a person rather than dealing with her ideas is a logical fallacy, known as the ad hominim fallacy.
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